Total Wyatts
by obeydontstray
Summary: What if the Wyatt Family had their own tv show? Like Total Divas, only less family friendly. (Warning: crackfics inside)
1. Mind Games

John sighs from his seat on his private bus, anxious to start his long weekend at home. Nikki traces a finger across his jaw, ready to spend time with her man in his big mansion, free from the confines of the tour bus they'd shared for over a month now. At the sound of Bray's voice on a Wrestlemania commercial, he flips several tv channels absentmindedly, only to find Bray's face on every channel. "Geez, they're advertising 'Mania kinda heavy this year, aren't they?" He comments as he flips through several more channels, spotting the video package of him and Bray on every channel to his dismay. With a sigh he lifts the remote, killing the picture with a single click. Nikki shot him a quick glance, a spark of concern on her face. "I really wish you hadn't agreed to fight him, he's strange. And I'm worried the three of them will gang up on you." "I ain't scared of no Duck Dynasty rejects!" He retorts, eyes lighting up with the sight of his large house. He tosses Nikki the keys as he grabs her bags with his own. Always the gentleman, he volunteers to bring in her luggage. "John…you may want to see this…" She stammers from the doorway. Arranged about the spacious living room are various candles and photos of John and Nikki together. He frowns harshly, grabbing the photos and stuffing them into a empty bag along with the scented candles. Nikki eyes him with a feeling of mixed apprehension and anger. Why is he reacting so badly to such beautiful pictures of them? After gathering up everything, John throws the bag on the nearest couch and wanders to the kitchen for a cold Gatorade. He stops in the doorway, horror stricken by the various containers and boxes strewn across his beautiful countertops. What sick bastard had broken into his home? Rushing to his room, he discovered the mattress from his rather large bed missing. And in his dressing room, one of his dirty workout shirts hung from the rim of the wrong hamper. All of the tvs nearby click to life at once, their screens filled by the bearded face of Bray Wyatt. "Am I under your skin now, John Cena? Can you make cutesy little jokes about this?" He cackles, throwing his head back and disrupting the tense silence. "I know all about your little quirks, John. Am I in your head now?" The muscles work in John's jaw, the look of disdain spreading across his face. "See ya at Mania, John." 


	2. Come Closer

**A/N: this is the fallout of Cena tossing Bray into that pool of unimaginable grossness (that Vickie and Steph used) after Raw. **

"Don't fucking touch me." Bray fumed backstage as he waddled through the halls, John Cena hot on his heels. "C'mon Bray that was funny man. The crowd loved it!" Cena laughed, more than amused at the large man covered in god knows what. Bray wheeled around in his heels to face John, his arms outstretched and dripping with the muck. "This is not funny." He enforced. "What the hell is this shit? I'm gonna have to take four showers just to get this shit off of me." "Not like you couldn't have used a shower anyway." Cena mused, not gaining any favor with the cult leader. Bray stepped towards him and John stepped back, hands up in defense. "You're just mad cause I messed up your pants." "Do you know how hard it is to keep white pants white in a wrestling ring?!" "That's your fault for wearing white after labor day homie." Cena giggled. "This shit had better come out of my boots, Cena." "Send me a bill, I don't care. It was totally worth it." John admitted, laughing even harder. "Seeing your big ass fall into that pool was awesome!"

Cena continued to laugh at Bray as he strode down the hall, struggling to keep his wet hair out of his face. The strange caramel colored stuff looked like half digested spaghetti and smelled ten times worse. Whoever decided to fill a pool with this foul stuff was could get bent."You've had your laugh, now go the fuck away." Bray growled over his shoulder. "I think this is a picture for my Instagram account right here." Cena laughed as he snapped a picture of Bray's muck covered back. Fed up with Cena's jokes Bray took advantage of Cena messing with his phone to turn and grab the muscular man, lifting him off his feet and into a giant bear hug. "Gross! Get offa me!" Cena yelled as Bray held the struggling man against his body, hoping to get to get as much muck on John as possible. "I don't know what smells worse, this stuff or you!" Bray giggled maniacally as he held John against his chest, lifting him about two feet off of the ground.

"Have you seen John?" Nikki asked around, trying to find her boyfriend in the chaotic backstage area. "He went that way." Xavier Woods commented, thumbing over his shoulder at a long hallway leading to the showers. "Follow the footprints. He was following Bray." Unaware of John causing Bray to take a muck bath, Nikki spotted a stagehand scrubbing up the bootprints and hurried ahead to follow them. She passed the worker as he squatted to scrub up another set of prints and hurried ahead, anxious to find her man. At the end of the hall she spotted John being held above the ground, kicking his feet as a pair of big tattooed arms held him. "John?" Bray released him and Cena fell back against the floor, gasping to replace the air Bray had squeezed from his lungs. Bray brushed back the muck and his hair to giggle manically at Nikki. He shrugged and flashed her a winning smile. "Just thought I'd share the love!" He commented before turning and heading towards the showers again, leaving John alone on the floor. "John? Baby!" Nikki fussed as she ran to his side. "Ewww John what is all of this?" She asked, backing away from him. "You smell awful!" "Long story baby. Hey, wanna help me clean up?" He asked, smiling. "Eww! No! I'm not coming near you until you shower John Cena!"


End file.
